Okay weird and not AT ALL good, BUT fun, baby!! =)
I mean, from time to time masarap 'yun nakatunganga ka lang. Naka-upo sa sofa. Stuffing your face with all the food that you can find in your refrigerator or pantry.. Owgaddddd. I love it.
don't you?
lol
Fate really likes to play on me...
It makes me see things (and people) i don't want to see.
It brings up thoughts that i don't want to cross my mind.
It stirs up feelings i'm too damn tired to feel.
I hate coincidences that lead to hurting... =(
Uminom na naman ako mag-isa.
Damn Crazy.
Ang tapang pala ng Alize.
Sumakit ulo ko.
Heeh.
Fcuk taht.
CLICK ME!
try it...
Christine is so creative :)
...at some point you'll find it hilarious..heehee
watch vlog # 1 first to know the reason behind it...
And i am aware its not the smartest thing to do. So you say "well then why do it?" because i don't care. I don't value my life and you can gasp and hem and haw. But i don't. I quite simply feel drained. Don't judge me. Please. Trust me when i say you have no idea. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. This is pointless.
I don't see a reason to continue living in this hell.
And no, i'm not just being a stupid emo teenager. Everything is going wrong. I'm not even going to explain. Period.
-- that will stay with me forever. He'll know you can never say I love you too many times, but he know's not to say it if he doesn't mean it with all his heart. He'll give me his favorite sweatshirt. He'll stay home with me to watch cinderella & he'll tell me he loved it even though he didn't. He'll call me at 4am. To only tell me that he loves me. He'll tell me that he couldn`t fall asleep because he was thinking about me & needed to hear my voice. He won't get embarrassed telling me he loves me in front of his friends. When I cry, he'll tell me I'm too beautiful, & kiss every tear. He always makes me feel better because he knows the most perfect things to say. All of his friends will know we're in love because he'll always talk about me. While we're walking, he'll pick up a flower for me. He'll tell me that I'm his little princess and treat me like one too. He'll love everything about me. He'll always end up laughing about silly fights that we won't be mad about. Even if I'm a million years old, I still get butterflies everytime he kisses me & he'll always tell me he'd die without me. He'll suprise me with a teddy bear when I'm having a bad day. He's interested in everything I say & always cares. He won't stop playin games 'til he won me the red teddy bear. He'll take walks with me in the snow & catch snow flakes on our tongues. Everytime I hear his name, it takes my breath away. And when I hear his voice, I fall in love all over again. But with him, I can never lose because everything about him is just so wonderful & perfect. I'll be his everything, and he'll be even more to me. He'll love me forever.
"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A beauty bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with their imagination."
-Robert Fulghum
I was thinking the whole night that a sadist lurking outside my bedroom door will kidnap me while i'm asleep... And i will be tortured the next day by, say, a series of chains hooked into my flesh that must be ripped out to avoid a ticking time bomb OR will undergo an impromptu brain surgery involving a power drill OR will wake up hanging in a refrigerated room.. Naked!
Brrr. Chilly. All thanks to saw 3 and Micko.
Crap you.
When someone you love abandons you, it doesn't hurt just because they've changed or lied or went back on their promises, but because you are reminded what a beautiful person they can be and they take that away from you and won't let you see that beautiful person again.
I guess nothing hurts more than having someone just decide to take your entire world away without consulting you first.
Sheeeeeeeeeeeet.
It's been like, what? 2months??..since my last post...
I missed you bloggggggggg :')
I just got home from the f-ing court. What I did there, shit. You won't believe it. hahahaha
I played basketball...duh! Haha
I played as if marunong ako... Sila Marc and Jino tawa ng tawa... Epal.
I had fun though :)
I want to have a sliding door inside my room.
Asides from my bedroom door... I want another door.
So I can smoke all I want there. I have been craving for that ever since we moved here. Di lang natutuloy because I've been a bad girl lately..oops.
hahaha kasalanan ko pa pala..
And heck.. May putang inang cigarette butt na nahulog sa rooftop tabi ng room ko. Wow. Bless me, at hindi ko na yun maabot. Goodluck naman sa buhay mo, Ja.
My sister's been playing mom for the past few days.. Epallllllllllllll.
I don't get her. Parang menopause na ata. O baka dahil matandang-dalaga lang?
I don't know, really. But either way, masungit nga siya. Bossy. Plus she's doing all the decisions for me. Aba aba aba... Who f-ing told her that that's her job, aber? In case she doesn't notice, I'm perfectly sane to make my own decisions noh. And fyi, it's MY life. Janelle Gapasin's life, not HER life. So don't ever tell me what to f-ing do. Ugh.
She makes me sick.
My dad, on the other hand has been super duper sweet to me... Shet. What's wrong with the world?? Gulong-gulo ko sa kanila... At!!! Si daddy nagpapa-under kay ate. What the---
O diba.. San ka pa..
Nagnananay-nanayan yun isa dito... Hmmm...
Well, know what? I can't wait 'til you go to Paris. I don't hell care how long you're going to stay there. Whether it'd be a day or a decade, wala akong pake. Just go and leave. I think I'm more happy that way.
It feels like, I've gone from that point to this point. Now I'm back from that point...going to...I'm not sure where...
Tangina. Pa-ikot ikot lang ako. I should have known.
But my stupid self insisted that, No. Hindi ka na babalik sa dati.
All I'm asking is
Lord God,
PLEASE enlighten my heart and mind. I'm so tired in dealing with this kind of situation. If this is Your way of making me give up, well, I don't think I'm ready to. Ang tanga tanga ko na. You know so well that I never learn from my mistakes. Ibahin Mo na ko.
If I can't stay away from them, sila na mismo ilayo Mo sakin.
I know it's too early for this prayer to You, Lord God. But I think we both know what might happen soon.
I'm scared :'(
I ask You to give me strength. I'm too fragile.
I'm already broken. Please don't make me worse.
Thank You for giving me Myk.
He's one BIG reason why I haven't pried my tonsils out of my throat :
I just pray that he's going to be my last bestfriend.
I'm tired of having to find a new one just because I want one. Which sucks because it only proves that I'm afraid to be alone :'(
Please and Thank You.
Amen.
It's not a "thing". So don't take it if you're just going to use it.
Ugh. Sick.
Sarah called to say that she will not be seeing me on Sunday because she's going out with the f-ing HALLELUYAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jema...
...before Sarah leaves on Monday morning.... ='(
...and i don't know when she's coming back...
I just feel like my heart turned into a toe that grew an ingrown the size of a blackboard eraser.
Owwwww.
I wish my heart turned into a rock. Parang gago lang.
People always put me aside and choose unworthy assholes over me. But I never whined. Well, not to their faces. I just swallow the heavy bag of tears just before they fall and put on a big SMILE and say, "It's okay" even if it's not.
I'm very good at hiding emotions...because I suck when I let them show... It's like, wow, all uhog and luha.
Only this time, I couldn't hold them in...I felt this familiar warm liquid coming from my eyes trickling down my cheeks...BUTI NALANG I WAS ON THE PHONE LANG!!! Sarah didn't see me crying. She didn't even notice the sudden change in my voice. Then she hung up before I could even say "I'm going to miss you..."
After my crying-my-heart-out moment, f-ing Jema called to f-ing apologize. She was blabbering about how it was quite a sudden plan and how it sucks that I can't join them. Tapos biglang may hinabol na sinabi, "Kaw kasi eh. Dapat hinayaan mo na lang si Chino." MOTHERFUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
NOW I F-ING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah thought I was the one who asked Chino to stay away from her. (Chino is her ex-boyfriend, by the way) Now she's all bitter because she's still f-ing in love with the bastard, who is now avoiding her like a plague.
I say...
Die and rot in hell.
Sarah, honey, please don't be stupid and try to recall the time when you asked Chino to "lay low". DUN PO YUN NAGSTART. I have nothing to do with it and now you're blaming me. You even chose to believe f-ing Jema over me.
Magsama kayo ni Navalta.
I have been cramming for 4 consecutive days just to study and do advance reading for nothing. Those professors ought to be jailed. They keep on announcing quizzes which never happens. Argh!!!
What a waste...of time...to sleep...waaa
I'm just so cranky these days...I want more sleep and more time to, well, SLEEP!!!!
I want it now and I want it bad.
